Blackmailed by a Friend 64

I’m being blackmailed by someone I’ve considered a friend for years.

There is nothing uplifting about this post.  It’s a sad state of affairs and I’m disappointed to be compelled to share this with you.

Unfortunately, I’m choosing to take this matter public, because the only real way to fight blackmail is to be public about accusations that are being made (or threatened).

Here’s the definition of blackmail form Wikipedia …

Blackmail is the act of threatening to reveal substantially true information about a person to the public, a family member, or associates unless a demand is met. This information is usually of an embarrassing, socially damaging, and/or incriminating nature. As the information is substantially true, the act of revealing the information may not be criminal in its own right nor amount to a civil law defamation; it is the making of demands in exchange for withholding the information that is often considered a crime. English Law creates a much broader definition of blackmail, covering any unwarranted demands with menaces, whether involving revealing information or not. However, from a libertarian perspective, blackmail is not always considered a crime [1][2]. Some libertarians point out that it is licit to gossip about someone else’s secret, to threaten to publicly reveal such information, and to ask that person for money, but it is illegal to combine the threat with the request for money, which raises the question, “Why do two rights make a wrong?”[3]

Blackmail is similar to extortion. The difference is that extortion involves an underlying, independent criminal act, while blackmail does not.

Here’s what happened from my viewpoint …

A friend decided to attend the Social Media Road Trip Event and made payment via PayPal.  I’ve included a screen capture of a portion of the page and inserted three arrows to highlight a piece of “fine-print” that caused all of this to happen.

On the actual payment page the “fine-print” isn’t so fine, but you will be able to read the relevant text below:

The problem text was …

“***Because of the limited seats available, we can not issue cash refunds for ticket purchases, however if for any reason you are not able to attend our event, we will be happy to exchange your ticket purchase for any future event.”

As it turned out …

My friend was not able to attend the event and asked if I could credit her payment for jvAlert Live Orlando.  Of course I said yes.

Then on Wednesday, November 10th I received an email with a request for a refund to which I responded …

You must have missed my e-mail on crediting your payment to jvAlert Live Orlando.  I’m happy to do that.

Here’s the refund policy on our sales page:

Because of the limited seats available, we can not issue cash refunds for ticket purchases, however if for any reason you are not able to attend our event, we will be happy to exchange your ticket purchase for any future event.

Looking forward to seeing you in Orlando!

All the best,


For better or worse, here’s what I was thinking …

There’s a reason that line is on the purchase page.  Most of my events require me to be personally responsible for tens of thousands of dollars worth of expenses based on the number of people who commit to show up for my events.  I know that there’s a risk that people won’t show up after they commit to come and I willingly take it.  The hotel doesn’t cut my commitment if they don’t show up — no matter how good the reasons are — and I can end up personally covering the expense not only of my event, the meeting room,  audio/visual, etc., but if enough people don’t show, I end up paying for the hotel rooms that they don’t use.

Those of you who have spent 3-5 days at an event hotel know that for one person it’s a tough bill to cover.  Now imagine if ten or twenty people don’t show – for legitimate reasons – and I have to pay their hotel bills.

So after gaining a bit of experience with event promotion and seeing how many people would decide not to show for the event at the last minute, I added the line so that I would at least be able to cover my costs for the current event, even if I gave them tickets for a future event.

My usual practice if someone can’t make the event is to remind them of the policy and my willingness to exchange their ticket for any future event.  Usually, if they still want a refund after being reminded of the agreement, I’ll go ahead and do it because I want my customers to be satisfied, but in this case …

I got back the following response …

Hi Ken,

I am indeed disapointed to be told “too bad your money is mine and you get nothing for it”. I honeslty did not see the no refund on your website as most if not all IM convention even offer a refund if after the first morning you are not satisfied you get a full refund.

This is not even my case as I said in advance that I cannot attend. As for getting credit: well… I do not like to be tied to someone by force.

When I canceled the hotel they did not force me to use their hotel, they just canceled my reservation understanding my situation.

I went to the JV alert site and there is not even a date yet. My schedule (especially my vacations or conventions ) have to be planned in advance (and even then like this week, it does not always work).

I have always admired your honesty and way of doing business. This time I cannot say it is the case.

I have to admit that I was hurt and responded …

I didn’t say, “too bad your money is mine and you get nothing for it” and I’m not forcing you to do anything, I also didn’t lie to you, so I’m disappointed too.    What I did was remind you of the policy and agree to give you a free ticket to any future event.

There’s a very crucial reason that policy is in place and that is because I am put at significant financial risk when I commit to a hotel based on the numbers of people who I agree to bring to the event.  It’s not an insignificant amount of money and for most of my events, I’m committed to pay for rooms that cancel or increased conference room fees that amount to tens of thousands of dollars.

The hotel doesn’t tell me that it’s okay, because 10 people couldn’t make the event at the last minute even if the reason is that a loved one died or they unexpectedly became overloaded at home.

What they do is charge me full price for rooms that are not filled.  So a single cancellation can cost me as much as $500 – $600 in some cases.

I’m not whining.  I know the risks that I take every time I put on an event and I try to remove as many as possible, because I have a responsibility to my family as well as my customers.

I hope that you can see some of this from my viewpoint and understand that I am not trying to treat you unfairly.

All the best,


Her response was …

If you think that ignoring me will make me go away, then you do not know me well.

here is a draft of a blog post that I made:  (URL DELETED BY KEN – the link was invalid.)

I will make it live if I do not hear from you. This is not blackmail as I am only stating the truth.

I also plan on blasting traffic to it (the way I so well know how to…) as I want to warn people about your new way of doing marketing.

I am honestly sorry to be telling you all this and I am deeply sadened to see that you took a weird turn into the “dark side” which as you know will not get you anywhere…The laws of the universe do not work that way.

I will make my post alive in 24 hours if I do not hear from you and drive like they say in IM “insane amount of traffic to it”.

Someone who appreciated you

It’s sad …

I could be completely wrong about my policy or my choice of words or actions.

And I may decide to refund the payment … but this isn’t about the lousy $297.

Two of the things I hold most dear are my friends and my reputation.

I fear the friendship I valued so much is over – on her part at least.

Obviously the easiest way to protect my reputation is to immediately refund the $297 and no one would be the wiser about it.  My precious reputation would be intact — all I have to do is remain silent.

But then I thought of all of the people who try to serve others and how easily we attempt to bring them down.

I thought about times I’ve been silent.

There are no perfect people.  We are all self-centered and selfish at times.  If we are spotlighted in our worst light we will not look pretty.

I prefer to think of my friend as the wonderful humanitarian she is.  She has so much value to bring to the world and she does it so unselfishly.

I choose to see all of the people I meet in the clear white light God shines on us – good, bad and indifferent – and know that I of all people am not capable of judging anyone.  I refuse to judge her.

Blackmail isn’t about spreading lies.  It’s about using the partial truth to hurt others.

But, it’s better to put the ugly out there with the beauty and live with the results than to allow blackmail to go unchallenged.

All the best,

Ken McArthur

And more, more, more.

About Ken McArthur

Ken challenges us to realize we ALL have an impact – whether we want to or not – on thousands of people who we touch in our day-to-day lives by demonstrating that simple things make a HUGE difference. The popular host of a series of live events that bring together top-level marketers, entrepreneurs, business owners, corporations and non-profit organizations to create multi-million dollar joint venture relationships – he creates incredible, intense impact for product launches and multi-million dollar profits in surprisingly short timeframes. Regularly asked to speak at leading marketing events, he has managed product launches ranked in the top 400 sites on the Internet. Ken McArthur is also the creator of, a pioneering affiliate program search engine and directory system and the founder of the MBS Internet Research Center, which conducted the world’s largest survey ever attempted on the subject of creating and launching successful information products. Not satisfied to concentrate entirely on large organizations, Ken also works with select individuals to help them create a decent living utilizing the power of the Internet. Ken was the official mentor for Sterling Valentine as he took his launch from ZERO to over $100,000 in less than 8 days. Ken and Sterling documented the process as a “proof of concept” for Info Product Blueprint a massive home study course that is the “bible” of info product creation. Ken offers top-level coaching and mentoring programs designed to help individuals, corporations and non-profit organizations reach masses of people using the techniques, tactics strategies and systems that he has developed specifically to help people spread their ideas, products and services around the globe.

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64 thoughts on “Blackmailed by a Friend

  • Christie Di Lemme

    You are an honest business man and I don’t know anyone that would question that. Policies are in place for a reason especially when it comes to hosting events that costs thousands of dollars just to setup. You did the right thing my friend and your honor and integrity will always outshine any type of blackmail.

  • David Thomas

    I hate to see a friendship broken up because of a lousy $297 but I don’t see that you did anything wrong Ken. You’re policy was clearly stated on the site. I hope she reconsiders. You didn’t get to where you are by being on the “dark side” and I don’t see that you’ve stepped over that line here.

  • Felicia Slattery

    That’s too bad. Your policy is clearly stated and you even offered admission to a future event — with 3 JV Alert Live events per year there are many to choose from.

    If someone doesn’t happen to see the speed limit sign on a road and is caught exceeding that speed limit, saying, “I didn’t know” is not going to stop them from getting a ticket.

    And, by the way, this person is not a friend. A friend first of all would not have asked for a refund, second would have been happy with the ticket to a future event, and third would never make a threat to try to discredit you.

    Sorry to see you having to deal with this… You’re still a-ok in my book!

  • drewmgriffin


    I admire your courage to confront this scenario here on your blog. It is clear and evident that your policy is what it is and its just wise to state it on the registration page as well as reiterate it to this person both in an email (or several) and here again on your blog. Further, you gave more value by honoring her investment in the form of credit to JVAlert Orlando. Sadly, her aggressive nature seems bent on forcing you with a threat to ‘expose’ you. Its outrageous and bad form. It will certainly backfire on her.

    From my experience at Social Media Road Trip Philadelphia, it is not in your character to swindle anyone. I’ve read your book twice since the event and know you enough to say that this ridiculous threat is absurd. Let her publish her agenda driven lie. I will not pass judgment, but hope this person realizes her unwarranted feelings and position and chooses to come to terms and apologize. Perhaps something is going on in her life that is causing her some pain.

    Fully supportive,


  • Ricci

    She can’t spell. Aside from that, this isn’t someone who is going to raise your vibration or contribute positively to your life now or in the future. Say “good riddance” and thank Source that it ended now before something worse could have happened. You don’t want to associate with pettiness (or stupidity) anyway. You’re a rock star.

  • PatMarcello

    Wow, that’s horrible, Ken! I remember reading your terms on more than on occasion when I plunked down the cash for JVAlert (which was worth far more than the price of admission to me).

    Don’t feel bad. This person must be desperate for money. Otherwise, I can’t imagine anyone going to such lengths to destroy you — YOU of all people. You’re probably the nicest guy in the whole IM world!

    You did the right thing. Don’t feel bad. We all know you’re about as fair a human being as exists on the planet.

    But there will always be people that just don’t get it. Sigh.

  • Joe Ammons

    Ken, Friends don’t blackmail friends. They understand their responsibility and live up to their obligations. Basically she was no friend at all for threatening you in this way. We are here to support you in any way, just let us know what we can do.

  • Mark


    We are all behind YOU 100% my friend.

    It’s too bad this person sounds like it is a MONEY issue more than anything and if she really knew the type of person you are… she would have said something like –

    “Ken, things are really tight for me and if you could find it in your heart to give a refund, even though I know your policy, I would appreciate it much. If not I understand!”

    I know if anyone shared that with you… you would do whatever to help.

    However, the way the matter was stated is ALL wrong.

    Ken, I have followed YOU for years, I KNOW you are a person that puts OTHERS before himself.

    God Bless those that do not see that. I pray that she will see the TRUTH soon.

    Love you, buddy!

    – Mark Call 🙂

  • Anne Flint

    How very sad and unfortunate. Ken, you protected your business properly by having the statement on your form. And you handled her request in an appropriate manner. She is angry that she didn’t get her way and refuses to accept that. You could have done the same to her by threatening to reveal what she is trying to do. You show, once again, that you are an honorable person by not revealing the name of this poisonous woman.

  • Kristi Sayles

    You should stand your ground on this one, Ken. If the lady publishes her gripes, she will only end up looking like the giant and you as David! People will lose respect for her because everyone can clearly see that you had the terms clearly stated. Everybody that knows you, loves you and knows of your integrity. You offered her a ticket to JVAlert-so you’ve done your part.

  • Kyle Buzzard


    You are doing right confronting this. If the other party cannot make the next event, I’m sure you’ll hold her ticket for an event she can make.

    Another mentor of mine says, “Hurt people hurt people.” There must be something going on in her life that is causing her to act in this manner. Hopefully she will be able to fix that and work to regain your trust and friendship.

  • David Natiuk

    Hey Ken,

    Please, don’t let yourself be blackmailed. Your policy was clear, and “not seeing it” does not allow somebody out of their agreement. I firmly believe that threatening to post something unflattering in order to get a refund is despicable. You can fight fear with fear and threaten a slander lawsuit if she posts something unfair…. or you can simply allow her to do what she wants, make her post, and waste her time & money “driving lots of traffic”.

    I think you only lose to give in to such tactics, and we’re behind you.

  • Terry Loving

    I’ve read this twice now. I am wondering what may have pushed her to make the threat? Something beyond your policy and actions I would suspect.

    It seems like such an “over kill” response on her part; a victim, blaming, privileged stance when the policy is stated clearly and your reply was genuinely extended. There are so many other options in a discussion such as this especially between friends. Betrayal hurts on many levels. Even perceived betrayal. Even betrayal from a business “friend”.

    Doing business consciously keeps us walking an interesting path with many lessons along the way. A wise one once told me that listening to truly hear is about getting inside the others skin, understanding the depth of where they are coming from. Walking in their shoes…. and then they went on to say in business, you can “”fire a client” – choose not to work with them – when the relationship is not right…..

    Sometimes I need to know that I did my best, was as honest as I could be and acted in integrity and hold that expectation of those with whom I do business. Sorry this has played out this way. I appreciate you sharing the story. It lets me freshly reexamine my motives and intentions in all communication – the need to remain clear to myself and others.

    Should she choose to follow through with her threat and blog about it, it will only reflect upon her. I hope she chooses another option.

    In gratitude for the discussion,

  • Anonymous

    Ken, I’m a bit appalled as to the threatening this person chose to do to try to ‘force’ you to go against your written policy. You gave her the ticket to a future event, so I’m uncertain as to why she would take this stance. Once it is in writing, as it clearly is, than the policy is to be adhered to.

    I can hear how hurt and disappointed you are, and rest assured, this will not affect your reputation of honesty. It is very hurtful, I would agree, but you must move ahead and keep on keeping on. Should it get ugly, there is always the issue of slander. Hopefully, it will not come to that.

  • Usuff Omar


    I haven’t read your post! Sorry, life is too short.

    But I LOVE the idea of bringing everything to the surface. And facing the fear straight in the face. As you probably acted with integrity, you have nothing to hide from.

    Just like how David Letterman dealt with his blackmailing challenge.

    Internet marketers interact with hundreds, thousands of people. You are bound to get nutcases among them, not that the person you have an issue with is a nutcase, I’m just making a general point.

    But whoever you are (nutcase or non nutcase), you are causing someone grief, and wasted time.

    I saw someone just ten years older than me lying in a mortuary. Cancer. Diagnosed three months ago. We shared the same first name. If I were in his position I’d be asking “what did I leave behind?” “Who did I help?”

    PS – I thought your headline in the email was the latest IM ploy! I was thinking, gosh, these guys are really going way out there. My commiserations to you, Ken. You must be in some strife to be taking it to this length. Putting everything on the table is the best way to go. I take my hat off to you. Wishing everything is overcome and settled and you have a great holiday season.


  • Frank Garon

    Stand your ground, Ken. We all know what kind of person you are. Blackmailers deserve to be unmasked. Who is this person, so we can all know NOT to do business with her?

  • Al Dickman

    I say name and shame her on this blog. Let her see if an ‘insane amount of traffic’ going her way is worth it.
    Recently I had an unfortunate exchange with an incredibly rude IM ‘guru’, I said I was going to expose him, but in the end decided it wasn’t worth the stress. Good for you.

  • Shirley Young

    I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this. You should start charging her for all of your time you have to take out of your already busy day to deal with her. I would make it an hourly rate, too.
    Good old karma will take care of this one. Just feel fortunate that at the end of a long day, you can get away from her. She can’t and has to live with herself.
    Your friend,

  • Cathy

    Ken – this woman is an affront to all of us. I was booked (had plane ticket) to JVAlert Live Orlando last year. At the last minute I got snowed in and couldn’t attend. My fault – no. Your fault? Bigger NO! I did not even ask for a ticket to a future event as this would have cost you in the long run. I ‘ate’ the cost and went on. I’ll make to a JVAlert Live one of these days and I won’t ask to come for free!! And you won’t ever get an e-mail from me asking for a refund – I actually READ the terms of service.

    Cathy Perkins

  • Daniel Tredo

    Yuk, too bad she had to act like that. Maybe somethings going on in her life. I know when the pressure’s on, peoples true character often leaks out. She signed to an obligation and didn’t follow her committment, and now she wants to defame you for her mistake. “Man looks at outward appearances, but God judges the heart”. Keep up the great work Ken!
    -Dan Tredo

  • Marketingwoman

    I think you are both putting your business in the street and need to grow up.
    Being that she was a friend and the money so little, you should have given her the money back! It never pays to do this trivial crap you both are doing.
    It would have saved time and embarrassment.
    Business is also flexible. Your refund statement could be changed anytime YOU CHOOSE as it is yours.. and for a “friend” come on!

    So the final verdict in my opinion? Grow up both of you. Too bad you lost a friendship for under 300 bucks.
    That was foolish.
    And I don’t know either one of you so I am not on her side nor yours.
    I just read your post.
    Did it ever occur to you that she did not get your email?
    Her response tells me she may not have gotten it.

  • Don Monteith

    Hi Ken…. most of us probably just suck it up when we discover a problem like you describe. Since “she” went beyond the usual refund request for whatever reason, bad hair day, etc. my gut says send her the $297 and you’ll get it back many times over in the future. Penny wise, pound lost. You did the “right” thing according to the “terms” but the power is yours to change the terms if you feel the circumstances justify.

  • Byron Welch

    ….Stick with how you really feel Ken as to allow others to abuse your friendship and life on something so absured, is sad and very shallow on their part. And as you said to me earlier today no matter what, you can grow from it, all of us are selfish pains in the butt from time to time.

    Let it go Ken, none of it is worth a dime.


  • Lynn Pierce

    Ken,It’s brave of you to bring this out in the open and I applaud you for it.As a fellow event promoter you have my full support on this. I’ve been lucky to have had almost 100% of people accept the recordings instead of request a refund when they didn’t attend. Even when they do show up, too often people look from the outside and count the money in the room without considering the expenses and think asking for money back is no big deal because “look how much they made”. Over the years I’ve done events & I called to ask why they did a charge-back on one of my speaker’s packages, I’ve had people confess that they really needed the money and didn’t think the speaker would miss it!I agree with some of the comments that something desperate must be going on in her life to make her turn on a friend. Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt for this type of over-reaction. Maybe that $297 means everything to her right now. That’s no excuse, but maybe an explanation.Stick to your principles.Lynn

  • Lynn Pierce

    It’s brave of you to bring this out in the open and I applaud you for it.

    As a fellow event promoter you have my full support on this. I’ve been lucky to have had almost 100% of people accept the recordings instead of request a refund when they didn’t attend.

    Even when they do show up, too often people look from the outside and count the money in the room without considering the expenses and think asking for money back is no big deal because “look how much they made”.

    Over the years I’ve done events I’ve had people confess when I called to ask why they did a charge-back on one of my speaker’s packages that they really needed the money and didn’t think the speaker would miss it!

    I agree with some of the comments that something desperate must be going on in her life to make her turn on a friend. Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt for this type of over-reaction. Maybe that $297 means everything to her right now. That’s no excuse, but maybe an explanation.

    Stick to your principles.


  • Dorothea

    Dear Ken,
    NO ONE could ever even tarnish your stellar reputation. You go out of your way to help people and you always overdeliver in every way. You set a policy and that’s all there is to it. I wouldn’t give this negative person another thought. It really doesn’t matter what she does. It will only reflect poorly on her, not you.


  • NeilMood

    Hi Ken,

    I have a really simple solution. Make all text the same font, the same size, the same color. It may just be me, but when I see smaller print and especially greyed rather than the same black that all the other text is, I often wonder, “what are they hiding?” I am not saying you are hiding anything or ever have, I just wish ALL marketers in ALL businesses would do away with the fine print … just my 2-cents worth.

  • Jando

    To Marketingwoman, Are you so successful in business giving indiscriminate refunds? Ken strikes me as the kind of guy who looks at most people as “friends”. True friends wouldn’t abuse that privilege in business. I think YOU should grow up. You just wasted your hot air, and silly comments, on a clear legal issue. If people like Ken didn’t have this policy people wouldn’t think twice about signing up, and then cancelling, costing Ken money and probably leaving an empty seat someone else would have been glad to fill. Doesn’t matter if she missed his email, she had already said she would trade for Orlando. I feel Ken should no longer dignify this woman with an answer. His position is clear, and legal, and her “insane” traffic as business people will know that. As you should. That kind of friend you don’t need. She will just embarass herself if she continues. Just as you just did.

  • Deremiah CPE

    Heeey Ken it’s your friend Deremiah *CPE…

    I’m really sooo sorry this has happened to you my friend and by coming clean about the matter and taking it public I believe you’ve put a whole different cause in motion here.

    But you know what I’d do if this happened to me…

    HERE’S WHAT I’d DO!!!

    I’d pay her the money she’s asking for

    AFTER I GET THE TRAFFIC!!!… That’s right I’d pay her the money after I get the traffic she promises…And if the Traffic is GOOD enough i.e., if she really knows how to DRIVE INSANE TRAFFIC to the blog…then I’d hire her to DRIVE INSANE TRAFFIC to everything I’m doing. And then if she could promise a High CONVERSION rate for each visitor then I’d pay her more money.

    There’s no sense in trying to make friends when you can CREATE ENEMIES that can help you solve your TRAFFIC problems. That’s what I would do…

    but the last thing I would recommend to you that I WOULD NOT DO!!!

    I would not let this get me down. It’s not worth it. Between friends a problem like this should be easy to resolve…this is not a major ordeal. But this is a reflection of what happens when friends don’t have love between each other. If there is a real friendship then this should be easy to resolve because in a real friendship there is Love. And that Love means we are going to respect each other at all times and we are going to resolve our differences privately and not in public…and we are not going to ATTACK each other like we are ENEMIES. Friends are not ENEMIES…ENEMIES ATTACK but Not Friends. Friends work it out…Friends show compassion…Friends show respect…Friends know that the FRIENDSHIP MATTERS…Friends are not easily OFFENDED…Friends care about one another…FINALLY FRIENDS LOVE EACH OTHER.

    KEEP SMILING KEN…I Love you!

    Lovingly loving you Deremiah *CPE…your friend.

    (Give her back her money Ken…nothing good can come from you keeping her money when she wants it back…(Shake the dust from your feet and use it as a testimony of your good character)…Furthermore I’ll pay you the $297.00 if you just give it back to her.

    • Alan Bechtold

      Deremiah makes a great point here, Ken. I believe you’re in the right. You were clear up-front and it’s up to you to name your terms either way.

      But — give her back her money. I think it was a good approach to just get it out in the open — since she was threatening to do so anyway. But I’d give her her money back, too. You said “it’s not the $297.”

      What I’d be asking is — do I now WANT this person at one of my future events?

  • Lucia Mitro

    Oh God! Well the Laws of Universe works for sure and do not want to see what is coming to her. Ken, when you are doing great things and changing peoples life, the blackness and negativity will try to pull you down. Just be true to yourself.
    I feel honored and Blessed to know you

    With Love

  • Howard Tiano


    You stood your ground, clearly stated the terms, and offered her a remedy to boot.

    I’m proud that you took this route. Someone with less integrity would have caved and refunded.

    I do agree with the others here, that you should name the culprit, so we don’t get involved with someone like that.

    Carry on, Ken!

  • Kosminj


    You are a kind, generous, ethical person and I consider myself incredibly fortunate to know you. I have been lucky to attend several of your events and each time I registered the specifics about refunds was very clear.

    You run a business and anyone that doesn’t or can’t see that is foolish. I have no doubt that you handled your communications with this person with professionalism and grace. It is simply awful that anyone could or would behave in such a manner to anyone, let alone you.

    Though I’m saddened that you’ve had to deal with this situation., Karma’s on your side. I’m very impressed by the way you have handled yourself and can say and believe such kind things about this woman. A lesser person would mire in a dark place. You are a person of true abundance and anyone who can’t see how blessed they are to know you isn’t someone worth your breath or energy.

    I support you.

    Your friend,

    Joelle :

  • Barry Chaffee

    Hey Ken,

    We know you are a person of impeccable integrity and character. You have thousands of friends around the globe who know your reputation and will not be swayed by a slanderous blogger. What she does is out of your control. If she follows through on her threat, it will harm her more than you.


    Barry Chaffee

  • Mel Hardman

    Ken, there will always be some who refuse to see anything other than the way that best suits them! Unfortunately, this trend has grown significantly throughout our society in recent years with the ‘Me’ and ‘I’ generations.
    Don’t let her stay under your skin. I know you won’t. She’s the big loser.

    Onward, and upward.

  • Jurgen Wolff

    Bravo for standing up to her. You’ve been generous to me in the past with your time and advice and I know you’re not one of the marketing vultures out there who are just trying to get a maximum amount of money out of everybody. She is being ridiculous and vindictive. I’m trying to give her the benefit of a doubt; maybe something else is happening in her life that’s making her angry and you are the displacement target. Anyway, i think the people who have had contact with you will know better than to believe foolish allegations.

  • Richard Posner

    I have been incensed by feeling slighted by a famous guru whose staff said to me: “You should have canceled the order immediately. We’re sorry we were on a staff getaway but the product was already shipped.” They put me through a “You should’ve…” a few times, then I did something similar to your former friend there. Eventually, they credited my Mastercard.
    You seem like a totally upright guy, Ken, and you have been blackmailed unjustly. But I do know that what your former friend said holds some water. There must be consistency in online marketing because people will not often read the fine print well.
    One marketer offers a full refund for the first 24 hours and the next no refund at all. From the consumer’s viewpoint, this is passively deceptive. You did take the big risk – eyes wide open – of blocking off a group of rooms and facilities, so you do need to keep this type of situation under wraps from now on and use your superior creative juices to resolve problems as they evolve.
    It’s one of those “small stuff” matters in the larger scheme of things. Your credibility methinks would not be threatened by this woman. Far too many people know you intimately as a high-integrity leader.
    “Like begetting like, it follows that whoever seeks to enforce his will by threats, himself becomes amenable to threats. The story of the little fleas, with lesser fleas to bite ’em, and which in turn have lesser fleas, and so ad infinitum, has its universal application; the threatener is threatened; the coercer is in turn coerced; and so the vicious chain is forged that binds humanity in an intolerable grip, which chokes and hinders until spiritual death ensues and all society goes down in one of those catastrophes that mark the carnage-trail of history.” ~Blackmail by Talbot Mundy~

  • Bill Clemens

    You know me I don’t mince words, Tell her to go pound sand! Your policy is clearly out there for all to see, and as you said the fine print is not really fine at all. It would be one thing if there was no policy or if it was hidden in some way or grayed out but it’s not, it is crystal clear. Stand your ground or everyone will be using blackmail to get what they want out of you. I’ll do this or I’ll do that to your name or reputation, if you don’t give me what I want. Yes it is only $297 but it is the principle of the matter, and the truth of the matter is if she was a true friend this Never would have happened.

    Enough people know who you’re a man of the utmost integrity and honor. She has shown she has No integrity by threatening Blackmail, all because she knows how to push traffic to her site. I’m sure 80% of us commenting here know how to push traffic to. Big Deal, Stick to your guns don’t ever let the blackmailers win!

    Bill Clemens

  • Anonymous

    Sorry to hear this Ken. Great job for making it public. I have this little voice inside my head that makes me think I know who this person is. It sounds similar to a crazy run-in I had with someone we both know.

  • Clare Kelway

    Ken, I pray you are assured of the love people have for you! I have no doubt you are a man of integrity! Even though I haven’t had a chance to attend one of your live events due to three kids running around and no back-up here, I follow everything you do online closely. This female marketer is letting down the side and I am sad for her. Policies are there for a reason, but I would give the woman her money back. Maintain the high road, Ken. It suits you and always wins in the end! Blessings and I look forward to working closer with you in the future!

  • David Yorka


    I am taken aback and feel a deep sadness for the pain required in practicing acceptance rather than judgement.

    Your post demonstrates your true strength that only comes from a place of vulnerability.

    Your words convey the capacity to care deeply for others and the guts to make tough decisions at the risk of appearing “more human”

    You are a friend, a role mode, a dazzling creative force and you change the world… one word,one conversation…. and I am one grateful fan.

  • deragonflyz

    Good on you Ken!
    Full support here. Yes, we often look past the fine print, but when you are going into an agreement that involves money it’s your own fault if you didn’t read it. Wear it! Your policy is no different to any other I have come across.
    Her suggestion that people get refunds after one day of an event is sometimes true. BUT they certainly still have to pay the hotel for the stay. I don’t know of a hotel that will refund a booking once you have stayed a night…unheard of.
    Good to see you putting it out there. All the best!

  • Ekompute

    Actually, it all depends on what your definition of “friend” is. Some people give friends special consideration. In this case, I do not see any difference in what you give to a friend and what you give to a perfect stranger. I therefore suggest that you do not use the word “friend”.

  • Gate420

    If i was you if you are in the habit of at least being short 10 ppl over book by 10 thne you will always have the rooms covered,Most ppl I have dealt worth no that at least 5 to 10% are not going to be able to make it by over booking by 10% you will never be short something to think about anyway.You can also approach each event ahead of time when booking and say look I need a deal if I have some cancellations and get to you in time would you try booking to other ppl even say at a third of the cost then u only pay a fourth for the room they are able to rent out.Just some ideas you can think about.For protecting your loss of money.There are lots of ways you can make deals to protect you from cancellations I could probably go on and on about how you can try many things but I won’t as for this person if they don;t read the fine print too bad.It is written there for all to see it is no one business as to why you have made it that way.Any way good luck with everything.

  • Wyteria Jacobo

    Ken, stand your ground. You did the right thing. This made me FIGHTING mad when I read her threats and I’m not even a fighter, LOL. It just really burns me up that someone would misread your kindness or rather mistake your kindness for weakness and try to get over on you. You give so much value …how dare she. Shame on her. More power to you, Ken. Look forward to seeing you at another live event.

  • David Husnian


    Having spent an evening chatting with you between every name marketer at the conference coming up to see you and having spent part of the next breakfast with you and having other direct interaction with you and having been on your list for a good while now I feel supremely confident that you are someone of the highest character.

    You’re certainly absolutely one of the marketers I respect the most in all ways and, in fact, one of the people I respect most.

    I personally stand behind you 100% and nothing this person can say would sway that but I do wonder why you just didn’t refund her money.

    I understand why you have yous policy (it certainly makes sense) and I don’t understand her reaction at all — it seems excessive for the situation (but I don’t know what else she has happening to her, none of us acts “right” in certain stressful circumstances — but my expectation from what I know of you is that you would have just said, “okay sure, here’s the money” even though you were well in your rights to not do so.

    Just wondering…

    As always, if you ever need anything let me know.